Aimlessness

At the start of yet another new year, I am finally trying to change myself. Or at least some things about myself. Not that I haven't tried changing myself in the past, but still. This time I'll put sincere effort. A little more than just trying.


I finally have come to this realization that do achieve whatever I want to achieve I have to work a bit more extra as compared to others. Other with equal capabilities as mine. e.g. if others can lit a matchstick in one attempt by rubbing it on the phosphorus layer, I will have to rub it twice. If others can die by shooting themselves just once in the head, I'll have to shoot myself twice. So, having realized this, I would put in more effort into whatever I am up to. Just to increase the chance of success by a few percentage points. In other words, I will rely less and less on luck, kismet and god. As, they hardly come handy. So, I'll try that these remain mere words in my dictionary, nothing more.


I have also come to a conclusion that I have to improve my efficiency. To do this, I will try and maintain a diary and make a to-do-list. It sounds old fashioned, but then I am no Ranbir Kapoor. I am old.


I know changing oneself is quite a challenging task. But, what's life without challenges. One more change that I will try and bring about in me is to reduce my reluctance of talking with people over the phone. I have realized it for long that I tend to avoid calls from people. Calls from home. Calls from friends. Calls from relatives and acquaintances. And calls from motuu. For no obvious reasons. This may be because of anything. My shy nature. My fear of questions that I don't want to answer. May be because I have to decline so many wedding invitations because my job doesn't allow many leaves. May be I have to stall the weekend plans with friends because I have to work on Sat and Sun. I have not come to a real reason why I do this. Why I so many times avoid phone calls. But I do. And I am not sure how do I change that. Will try.


Finally, I want to achieve few things this year. First and foremost, what I want to do in life. Which brings me some pleasure. I don't want to tune into that MBA a station again though I wanted it so badly. May be more than anything I had ever wanted. Now, I need to find the next thing that I want badly.


Secondly, will try and enroll myself for one professional course. May be CA or LLB (a vague thought. Not sure). But it will be something.


Last, I am bored. Will lose my virginity before the end of this year. As I am getting this feeling that I am losing interest in it all with each passing day.


Hope. It happens. But then as I said in the beginning, I have to do more than just hope to make it happen.


Will check this post on 31st Dec, 2013.